The Golden Light London Blog Spot

For postings about what I'm do, instead of who I'm doing... as I don't seem to be writing about that any more.

http://thegoldenlightlondon.wordpress.com

The Mouse and Me

In the last couple weeks I've seen more mice than usual. In fact a lot more... and my response to seeing these mice has been sweet and full of understanding... even had a moment of awe watching this brave, hungry mouse (though afraid) move past busily walking people to find it's scrap of food before returning to the safety from which it came. The other night, it occurred to me that I've been noticing a lot of mice and decided to look up some stories and meanings... and this is what I found... which has deeply touched me and had a profound effect on me.
I hope you enjoy the story as much as I have.


THE NATIVE AMERICAN MOUSE

And then there is the tale told by Native Americans about the mouse who heard a sound that none of the others could hear. "I'm going to find the source of that sound," Mouse announced to his little troop of friends.

"Oh, no, no, no!" they admonished, "You'll be killed by the Fierce Ones who dwell out there in The Beyond."

"I know it's scary out there," Mouse stammered, "but I really want to know what is causing that sound."

One day Mouse worked up the courage and began following the sound. The Slithering Ones and the Furry Ones pounced out from every nook, but Mouse was able to escape each time. The sound became louder, growing to a low roar. On the third day, the mystery became clear, as he caught a glimpse of the waters of the river flowing below the trees.

A funny-looking green creature was perched upon a lily pad beside the shore. "Hello Mouse," Frog croaked, "you found the sound, did you?"

"Yes, this place is really something."

"You can find more if you leap up in the air as high as you can," Frog suggested.

"Well!. I don't know about that."

"Aw! come on. Just try it one time."

Humoring his green friend, Mouse gave it a try. He leaped so vigorously, he lost his balance and tumbled down into the water. "Hey! You tricked me~" sputtered the soggy lump of hair.

"Did you see anything when you jumped up?" questioned Frog.

"Well! Yes! I did see a very great mountain off in the far distance."

Frog jumped into the water and swam away. Mouse wandered off and met another band of fur-balls like himself.

"Have you guys leaped up and seen the big mountain?" squeaked Mouse.

Frowning faces and shaking heads told him, "No! What are you talking about?"

"If you leap real high, you can see it too."

"We're not interested in that," the little troop told Mouse, "We are too busy just finding food and hiding from The Killers."

"Well, I am going to go to that mountain," said Mouse, pumping out his chest.

"Don't be foolish," they told him, "there is a terrible desert in that direction, and several of our relatives have ventured out that way. Not one has returned."

Mouse thought about it over for awhile, then pronounced, "I made it through the first, and I think I can reach that mountain too."

"You're crazy, just plumb nuts!" they cried.

"I can explain it, but I just have to go find that mountain."

Another days wandering found him at the edge of the Forest World, gazing out beyond the long desert at the misty mountain nesting on the horizon.

Carefully watching the dark shadows of the Bird of Prey that circled overhead, he darted from bush to bush, making some progress.

Tired and sweaty after half a day's scampering, Mouse was relieved to see a grove of vegetation up ahead. He rushed into it for a well-deserved rest.

Suddenly, he felt a deep vibration stirring the air and earth. it seemed to be coming from a hill made of fur. And it was moving!

"Welcome to my home," rumbled the immense beast.

Startled and frozen in stony fear, Mouse blurted, "I, I'm traveling to the great mountain, an', an' those shadow spots are scaring me."

"Well! That's quite brave of you, little one," Bison praised. "I would very much like to help, but, alas, I am blind."

"I'll give you one of MY eyes!" squealed Mouse.

With that, one of Mouse's eyes flew out of his head and went into the face of the Bison.

With dust falling like rain from his fur, Bison stood up, towering over Mouse like a mountain. Faint bolts of lightening shot out from his horns up into the clouds above.

Mouse staggered as he felt the thunder rolling to the mountain. He had never dreamed that a beast could have such awesome power.

"Well! I'm ready to go," said Bison, "are you ready?"

"Oh! Yes! Yes!" answered Mouse. "Let's go!"

"Now listen to me," instructed Bison, "I will run fast straight to the mountain. I want you to run directly beneath me. That way, the Predators Of The Sky will not see you, and the Ground Killers will be afraid to venture out of their hiding places, least they be crushed. Do you understand?"

"Yes! Yes! I can do that, " Mouse chirped with confidence. So, off they went, charging across the desolate wasteland running fast. Dark spots flowed over Bison's back, as little Mouse sprinted in a cloud of dust below. Thundering hooves struck all about him like earthquakes shattering the earth.

Endurance consumed, Mouse felt he had breathed his last breath, when suddenly Bison slowed down and stopped. They had reached the base of the mountain.

"I didn't think I was going to make it," Mouse panted, "I was really out of breath, an' your hooves almost got me a bunch of times."

"You had no need to worry, little friend," Bison explained, "I walk in the Way Of The Sun Dance, so I always know precisely where my hooves are at all times."

Looking up at the majestic mountain, Mouse gulped. "How am I ever going to reach the top?" questioned his thoughts.

As he contemplated the situation, a magnificent white wolf stepped from behind a big rock low on the mountainside. "Greetings Mouse," spoke Wolf. "I've been expecting you."

Relieved of his fear, Mouse asked, "Can you guide me to the top of the mountain?"

"Well! I'd like very much to do that," mused Wolf, "but I have this problem with my vision; everything is all mixed up and I can't find my way anymore."

"I'll give you MY eye!" Mouse offered.

Out of his head flew the eye, right into the face of Wolf.

"Oh! Thank you, thank you," howled Wolf,  "Come, follow me."

Luckily for Mouse, he had a keen sense of smell and was able to follow Wolf along the old trail toward the mountain top. A crystal clear lake nested atop the mountain, which was the Source of the River.

"I'll leave you here," growled Wolf, "I have other travelers to await down below."

Mouse sat down on a rock beside the still blue water.

"I'm blind as a bat," he thought, "but I'm still glad I made it up here. It's so peaceful. I wonder what my old pals back in the forest are doing."

He felt the air flutter, and fear creeped back in again. He knew it was Mighty Eagle who had come for him. Sure enough, off his perch he was snatched and carried him up into the heavens. He thought he was one dead mouse, but behold, a miracle! Mouse himself had been transformed into a Great Eagle!

MOUSE EVOLUTION

Long, long ago, God got tired of watching these ponderous beasts who munched on greenery and each other. They had dominated the earth for a very long time, and didn't seem to be going anywhere. So, God dropped a giant, fiery stone from Heaven, and they were eliminated. Of all the creatures that remained, mouse was the one who used his abilities most fully, and came to dominate. Behold again! He transformed into man.

This may seem like a Micky Mouse way of doing things, but God works in strange ways.

stories from: http://www.greatdreams.com/mouse.htm

Dream through My Chakrahs

I cleared all my chakrahs before bed, and had a wonderful dream-like dream through my chakrahs.

It was a beautiful dream experience and very integrating and easy till the last bit.... in my mind, where i was searching for a shower at a large indoor trade show. 

I so desperately wanted a shower and was really upset being smaller than everyone and not able to see where the entrance was... and all the smiling clean people walking around just out of the shower.

I saw how not being able to see or find what I was looking for stirred negative emotions, anger, fear, anxiety, confusion... I would go up higher and could see where the entrance was but when I got back down stairs it was all confusing again. All the directions I was given were wrong, and the asking and receiving incorrect information made it worse. 

Finally in the dream, I let out this growling scream. Everything stopped in the dream, all focus was on me. I declared "I AM taking a shower."  

The people parted and the entrance was visible. Everybody was quite. I walked toward the shower entrance... as I walked I woke up. 

I remember another chakrah, the heart I believe. Where I was sailing on a peaceful ocean. The sun was comfortably in the sky. I was alone in body yet felt fully connected to everybody. I was sailing in a small boat with a sail toward something, yet knew not what. I felt happy and at ease. Then I saw a large rock or small island in the distance and became curious. I sailed over to it with just my mind choosing to go that way. When I arrived my beloved was lying on a rock sun bathing. He smiled so big at me, and said "You found me! Well Done!" We were so happy, I stepped off the boat and straight into his arms. Our flesh touching in the embrace felt like every skin cell that touched was making love, our hearts beating together making love, our lips kissing making love, our smiling eyes, smiling faces, warm bodies, our whole being making love in totality of our beingness. I lye on him as the waters came in, and the land we were on became smaller. There was total ease, as the waters moved up around us and took us to the next chakrah. 

I remember also the root, dark and red. Black and red. Lots of grunting, very primal. It was heavy or dense down there. Less to no thought, all body feeling and some emotion feeling, though very simple emotional feeling. It was very clear, connected, grounded. 

I remember the feeling of the other chakrahs though not the images or stories connected. 

I love writing my dreams. The clarity my subconscious is communicating is super helpful and answers many of my waking questions. Well done me!!! yay! 

Heaven's Earth: A Dream to Herald in the Beloved

Lastnight I had a very powerful dream:

We were all at this indoor festival, where plants were also growing from within... from the floor. There were many many families there and room where different workshops, music, general fun was going on.

I was there with my children. Their father 'was coming' at first I was sad he was not there with us. I felt alone, yet by the middle of the dream I started to see the amazing awake community around me. All the families with children who are conscious and happy and thriving, reJoySing.

When I could see this, I turned a corner and Caitlin was there with a massage table. When her eyes fell on me, this warm knowing smile spread across her face. Caitlin motioned for me to come over to her with her head. Both Orion and Lyra were holding my hands. We walked over. Caitlin looked at both of them and motioned with her head and eyes for them to hop up and sit on this cushy/pillowed/sheep skinned box next to the head of the massage table. Then looked at me and patted the table. I looked at my kids, worry went through me, then grief and fear. Almost this space of 'if I allow myself to heal who will look after them?'  I looked at her face, soft, knowing and warm. I took a breath and trusted and got up on the table/couch. Orion and Lyra giggling at my head and playing with things hanging on the wall. Again I felt this wave of 'behave' mixed in with anxiety and fear. I went to move the things out of their hands and Caitlin stopped me. She spoke,

"Avi, you're ready for this, now. Leave them to be children, they are and it's good for them to play. Relax now, let go."

Something in me relaxed, my eyes went to Orion and Lyra playing with each other and watching, joyfully, all the people around, all the colour and celebration. They watched Caitlin, as she began at my feet humming and adjusting the energy lines there for me to better assimilate and walk on heaven's earth. She continued in this way, the more I saw Orion and Lyra were safe and happy the more I let go and received. All the colours played and blurred and came into focus as her beautiful, happy humming told me she was just right there.

The 'me' that needed to feel safe, finally felt fully safe. When she finished part one she asked me to sit up. Excitement filled me, and Orion and Lyra too. I sat up on the couch, easily. Caitlin began to test my 'pain' 'pleasure' thresh hold. I saw that the things that brought me pain before felt good now, and I was amazed. In awe almost. Finally, the last test. She took my hand and and went to put her nail under my finger nail. I pulled my hand away in fear. She looked at me and smiled. “It may hurt a bit, and that's ok. See what happens” I gave her my hand again and she dug her nail under the nail of my left middle finger. It hurt, yet in an instant I was more present in my dream. Alert. Our eyes met in presence. And in an instant my children and I were in a hall way looking at musicians.Caitlin was also there standing beside us. We were all moving to the music.

At the end of the Jam, Elijah Ray walked over to a massage table and smiled and waved me over. Again fear and confusion came up (from nowhere seemingly) I didn't know this person, yet I did. All my man-fears rose in me with every step I took closer. Caitlin stood with Orion and Lyra dancing and having a great time. They were all happy for me to step away. When I reached Elijah, he gave me a hug and laughed. I felt confused and childlike. I sat on the massage table/couch and he sat next to me. We spoke a little, and I couldn't really hear through the ears of the child-emotion I was in, however,the anxiety lessened and I became comfortable with him. I felt safe that I would not hurt him or another woman connected to him, and he would not hurt me. ( this is my conception and gestation story, my response after writing this sentence was to get up to get a tissue,then to go downstairs to get something to drink. Instead I am sitting here with this dis-comfort and continue to write)

When the anxiety lessened enough for me to lye down. Elijah started at my feet then heart drumming and working with musical instruments. Almost musically weaving a stronger connection between my feet and heart. So I may walk from my heart on heaven's earth. Then he continued between my heart and my head/throat/crown. I was spirit and body aware of both, dancing within and aware of expansive massive spirit me, that this body lives in, dancing all around me. When he finished, I was strong and vulnerable. I sat up on the table and we looked into one another's eyes. Tears began drip out of my eyes, and we hugged. So much gratitude welled up and poured out from inside me. I could feel his joy at this birth of spirit-awake-inBody, and felt his tears on my shoulder.. blissful. 

We looked at one another with deep recognition and remembering and Laughed!! The music grew louder and my children and Caitlin were still dancing and we joined them. Amber was there with her boys and so many other families and people and we were all celebrating heaven's earth and our arrival and choice to be here, now.

There was so much joy and support. Caitlin, was smiling so big at me, then she leaned over and said “When you're ready to teach New York City, call me. I'll help set it up.” I smiled so big, and said Thank You. As the dreamed faded and I awoke into my day.

What a Healing Integration Dream!!

Dark Dreams Through a Restful Night.

Over the last 2 weeks I haven't slept very much, my days have been filled with festivals and gigs and beautiful connections with beautiful people. When dreams have come they have mostly been of spending time with a man I'm in love with, mundanely magical time spent with one another.

It started 3 nights ago, waking without memory or feeling from dreamtime. At first very dreamless deep sleep, long sleep, naps... as my body rested and caught up on rest from 2 weeks of playing and working hard with little rest.

After returning from Secret Garden Party there was something dark I felt within me. Shifts happening all around me. An ex-boyfriend's facebook request triggering long forgotten rage, from a time when all the things I identified myself with began to drop away, leaving me scared, confused and lost. A time when I accepted sex for love, and sacrificed my happiness out of compassion for others which lead ultimately to me marrying a man the day after meeting. Then of course a message comes in from my wasband requesting to create a ceremony to call all the beings who witness our beach marriage together to witness our dissolution. Owning the love we cary for one another and the pain of being in romantic relationship with one another. Finally accepting, it seems, us not working as a romantic couple. Old patterns clearly showing their faces in the orgasmless abyss of disembodied parts.

In process of releasing anger, letting go of resentment, letting go of dead dreams I felt the urge to withdraw from those I am currently close to. I felt it and communicated to them the space I was in internally. Met with love and understanding I stayed in connection with those I'm close to. I held myself in the anxiety, weirdness and desire to flee. Deepening my relationship with those I love.

So it is with this background in mind and heart I begin to dive into the dreams I experienced last night. So vivid and macabre. I had two distinct dreams. The first one I was on the inside of this entity that was beautiful and graceful and dark. She hunted people and magically killed them in poetic and gruesome ways. It was like play for this character watching the screams and blood splatter from those who's lives this creature claimed. It was unassuming, kind even in the company of others... yet always watching and waiting for the smallest mental/emotional co-manifested agreement to die from those she encountered, whose lives she wished to take.

Within this character, of my feminine dark side, there were those whom she really liked. Felt protective of, mostly women. So the recipients of death were mostly men. Men whom tried to hurt or take advantage of these girls and woman this character, I saw through, protected. She hunted them, feeding off their fear. She walked along at each murder, witnessing their darkness consume and kill them. She never lifted a blade or weapon, the way she murdered was to reach inside their minds and project outward their greatest fear. The more they feared the more real the projection, she walked in almost a dance, gracefully, eyes locked on her victims like an apparition, grey, dark and beautiful. I felt her compassion for the mothers and sisters who were left behind. Blessing them in a way, so the male of their future ancestors are protected from again incurring her wrath... protected from harming any women in her protection.

She was neutral with these murders. Neither enjoying it nor not enjoying the death stair. What she did enjoy was the breeze that blew her hair wildly around her face, and her soft dress in grey spirals around her body. She enjoyed the feel of her surroundings, the concrete under her feet, the brick wall, a tree, the water, etc. She enjoyed listening to the heartbeats in a room hearing them speak truths and lies. Yet, she had this task and keen sight of murdering those whom harmed the maidens she fiercely protected.

I suppose upon writing it out, this villainous monster seems less evil. The vividness of the murders hung to me with guilt through out the day, and now as I see these words and understand the aspect asking to be seen in my subconscious I get this part of myself. The part that has the job of protecting the innocent, vulnerable maidens. This innocent vulnerable maiden. And through this dream I believe it's time to re-employee her protective services in other, less destructive ways which brings her great joy and aliveness, which turn her greyness from death to creation.

For today a man who has been upsetting some love fairies I work with contacted me. With love I told him, his schizoid nature scares some of the love fairies and to please not contact us any more. This was met with anger and I replied again in love with firm boundaries and total communication and ownership of how I and other's I spoke to perceive him. It was not nice to hear, it was fair and loving and allowed us all to feel safe with clear boundaries. I felt this aspect within, fearless, keen sighted, yet loving in her ferocity of character. Strong, confident, caring. Without destroying or killing this predatory, manipulative man.

HMMMMM

Dream two:

In this dream I moved with my children to an American city suburb... somewhere on the east coast, suburbs of Cleveland keeps popping into my head. We lived in a townhouse. It was old and beautiful in a morose way. We began to settle in. Orion and Lyra went to this special school that taught magic along side state curriculum. As October came to us, a group of dark magicians came after Orion. They wanted his blood. There had been a string of deaths of students at the school, and I used my white magic to locate and channel who or what was behind these deaths. They felt me use this magic and I knew they were targeting Orion next. I begged my children to stay inside where they were protected with a forcefield spell. Yet they wouldn't listen. I saw one of the dark magic creature children stalk Lyra from across our backyard as she lovingly filled in a grave of one we had berried, yet as the creature went to attacker her it fell into her light field and and golden glitter with flowers stunned the child and Lyra went about her way not noticing her near capture.

Orion however did not have this sort of protective magic. He had a wooden sword, which he claimed would be metal when the day came he was strong enough to wield it. I worried for him. I yelled at them in the dream, ordering them back into the house. They were both confused yet they listened, they saw the worry on my face. I could feel the group growing closer. 

When inside I told them to stay inside, bad things were coming and they needed to stay inside, keep the doors closed. I went upstairs to retrieve magical bits. I heard a knock on the door, then I heard Orion go to answer the door. I flew down the stair to the sight of Orion standing in the doorway, door wide open with this gang of dark magic creature. The word STOP came shrieking out of me without thought. Orion jumped back into the living room, eyes fixed on me. I was in between him and the gang before the sound finished reverberating.

I asked flatly “What do you want with this household?”

they responded “You know what we want witch”

“You may not have my son, my blood flows in his veins, he is beyond your reach.”

“He has his father's blood too, dark and rich. It is the final key to the hell gate.”

“Be gone from my home and land. I declare this complete.”

A rush of wind and blurring colours came swirling in as they were pushed off the stoop of my house and onto the pavement. “Be gone!” I called again. Wind sweeping my hair wildly. I slamed the front door. I turned to Orion and held him close to me, his head in my chest. His eyes wild like mine. My heart beating so fast, with all I could do to protect him.

I see both death dreams were actually about protecting what I value. Both young and innocent aspects. Which correlates to the few interactions I've had with men of my past and recent predator.

So what I see is the anxiety I feel with the fear of not being able to protect the ones I love, including the innocent, vulnerable child within. Yet in both dreams I was more than powerful, I was the most powerful one in both dreams.

As I type this I feel heat through my body, especially my torso and abdomen. I feel my body reclaiming the anger held and turning it into power... into strength. Core strength. As both what is vulnerable and what is raw power sit within, this dichotomy feels strange yet empowering. And the need to sit with this continues.  

ET Contact Meditation: Opening up to Great Awareness

I did an ET contact meditation last night. I woke up in the night with very strong vibration in my lower heart, very intense. Wasn't sure what was going on, then the energy grew more intense , like what I imagine glowing to feel like, I felt it shoot down my arms into my hands, which went very stiff, then my mouth went very wide and down and a silent roar came out. This happened twice more. Then I had an experience was like I was being scanned by a familiar voice I've known as myself (not my personality, which is a whole other some what confusing topic) to find out what was going on, then I repeated only beings of love, joy and light with intentions of our highest good may enter, the energy subsided  the third time I said this and I called arch angle Michael. (This all just happened, there was no thinking about what to do, it just happened) I Closed down my openness and went to sleep repeating only love joy and light. I could feel the fear in my body and soothed it with these words as I fell back asleep. I could feel the other beings in the room and see some of their energetic outlines. I didn't pay too much attention to them, as I wanted to go back to sleep and them to leave. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting, though obviously not that. I'm left feeling sore where my sternum is and the surrounding area, like I worked out last night (which I didn't not physically). I also feel drained and a bit shaky. I'm divided to be honest. Part of me doesn't know what to make of this and it's a bit freaked out by it all... another part feels calm and in understanding. This part knows: 

The energy felt reptilian, lower vibration earth plane et's trying to make contact. The heart pulses threw the et out as they cannot exist in an unconditional love vibration of the 4d+5d vibration which I fluctuate in and out of. I have channeled my whole life with a being (group of beings) who are one. They are known to be as me, as I have always known them, yet they are not my personality which feels fear and has struggled with these gifts and sensitivities, especially as a young child. We are the holders and keepers of this universe. You are one of our representatives on the earth plane. You are so brave and loving to have chosen to come and embody... and continue to embody more fully. You will continue to grow in love harmony vibration to be able to embody us all. We will embody through you as one, this integration has already begun.   

(I started channeling in the above paragraph and have not edited it.) 

As I type this tears are streaming out of my eyes. I feel a gentle pulse in my heart... and I have this feeling of needing to share this with some one who understands and won't think I'm crazy. A  very talented psychic told me once that I'm a walk in, yet the original soul hasn't left. She tried to "fix" that... yet what happened is it allowed the (not personality me) to embody more fully... and the me that was born in this body is still here. We exist together. 

SO the channel is open and more insight is gained by the part of me I experience as my personality. Certain things start to make sense and become clearer. 

 Any thoughts, insight, feedback, and discourse welcome.

Dreamy Dance Part 3

From the perspective of being awake, I can see the dream had come to a close. However, while I was waking up I really wanted to stay in the dream. The perspective was I had just gotten to this new bit where I felt better and free and I wanted to explore. I can see now a whole cycle had completed and it was indeed time for me to wake up.

I really enjoy dreaming. There's a part of me that wishes I could dream all day, just stay asleep. Indeed that part felt a bit sad that I was awake and I felt the desire to return to sleep. Why do I like to dream so much? Why do I prefer dreams to life? Are the questions I asked myself as I wrote my dream down. Little did I know these questions were soon to be answered.

Off I went to 5 rhythms to dance myself into clarity. My thoughts full of my dreams over the past couple days. Mr. Dreamy, Romeo, Wasband (my ex-husband), Mr. Can-opener (another man I fell in love with a couple years ago),a potential someone new. My head was full, so I reached into my bag of tools and repeated over and over clearing statements. Clarity began to seep into my mind. When I got to the dance there was practically no parking, which is unusual... my mantra of clearing statements falling from my lips, the air around me feeling palpably magical.

I entered the dance and there at the entrance a friend who I haven't seen in months greeted me! We embraced and he told me he was there to meet our mutual friend Mr. Can-opener. My heart thumped excitedly in my chest. On the dance floor I stretched my neck, arms, torso, hips, legs. I love to dance as wildly and free as I can possibly be, so warming my muscles it a must in order to take care of my body. I love my body so dearly, it is capable of such amazing things.

As I stepped into my dance on the 5 rhythms floor, I saw Mr. Can-opener and smiled. My dance flowed to a corner of the room where a man, who bared such a likeness to Mr. Dreamy I had to look twice, danced and moved in a similar way to him. I was gob smacked by synchronisities of the evening and I had only been there a matter of minutes. As I moved and danced there was another man there who resembled one of the men I danced with in my dream. So I danced with all of the emotions of these men I love, which carried me over to a woman. We moved and danced and writhed with one another our dance becoming ecstatic and sensual, sexual even. When one of us moved away still we danced together across the large room.

Suddenly in a moment I had clarity. I didn't want to dance with Mr. Dreamy's, though I felt the tenderness and love. I enjoyed flirting with the dancer of my dream, yet didn't want to dance with him either. I tried to dance with Mr. Can-opener yet our connection wasn't synching, so I didn't really want to dance with him either. I looked around the room and realised I was free. Free to dance with whom ever I choose without the ghosts of past loves haunting me. Free from wondering about what could have been. Free!!!

I dropped deeper into the sexy sensual snake like dance with the woman, we dropped to the floor and writhed and spun and rolled, a mess of legs and arms and hair. I was free. Bliss coursed through me as though it were my blood. Air felt exquisite in my lungs. I saw my friend who greeted me at the door and became self-conscious as though I were dancing this way in front of my father, then it disappeared and came back like waves these feels washed over me and subsided till I saw clearly a pattern.

Every 10 years I have had an intense love affair with someone for a brief time, then we go very far away from one another (geographically) and the relationship stagnates. The first man was my father. The waves of self awareness of my dance disappeared completely and it was just me, my breath, and the dance. I grounded deeply down into stillness, one leg, then the other in a trance like state of beingness. 

I saw Mr. Can-opener, his body thin, his eyes sullen, his heart in such sorrow... I witnessed Mr. Can-opener. I placed my hand on his heart and felt compassion as though my body and being were but a vessel. We met in stillness. Our breath, our bodies, swaying to the music finding our rhythm once more as we have so many times before. Even when the music stopped we swayed on to our rhythm, in connection and love and comfort.

That evening when I returned home, Mr. Dreamy found me on skype. We chatted for the first time in months. It was lovely and more clarity appeared. I could see why I loved him and why I loved being with him and also why he is far away and I am here. I saw why my Wasband and I haven't been able to make a romantic relationship work. I saw myself, and what I truly and simply desire. Positivity, Love, Joy, Abundance. Only those who allow this to grow, who aid and nurture and support the me I enjoy being are the people who I choose to open my vulnerable, beautiful, giving heart to. This is my truth, discovered in the dance between dreams.